Thank you, GOD

Thank you, GOD. I was in a place, a deep dark place, a place from which I wanted to run. I planned my escape but I listened. You reminded me you can't run from what's in your mind; it'll still be there wherever you are.

I thought next of just going into my mind, blocking out my body, living in the world that's in my head. You asked me could I do that to my family and friends. Could I really leave the ones I love. Their faces came to mind and I knew then I couldn't leave them.

That left me with just one choice: deal.

I knew I couldn't do it alone - I couldn't be alone. Not anymore.

I finally, in that deepest dark moment, with songs playing in my head (a warning before hallucinating) and visions of a knife and of blood, I finally truly completely gave myself to You. This was more than my mind, more than my heart - my soul cried out for You.

And You were there.

You'd always been there, waiting patiently, pleased that my mind and heart had turned to you long ago. But waiting, just the same. Just waiting for my soul's cry out to You.

I'm no longer alone. Ever.

You told me to reach out to my friends not reach in to myself. You sent Your Holy Spirit to me, to guide me out of the labyrinth of pain and sorrow.

Thank you, my GOD. Thank You, Jesus my Lord. Thank you, Holy Spirit. With Your help, my GOD, I will sing your praises until You call me home, where I can sing forever. Thank you.

Thorn

...Therefore, that I might not become too elated, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, an angel of Satan, to keep me from becoming too elated...for when I am weak, I am strong. - 2 Corinthians 12:7, 10 NAB (I recommend reading the entire passage)

All of us have a thorn - something physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual to try to keep us from the fullness of being Christ-like. All to keep us from "being too elated". "Elated" - what does that mean? Maybe boasting? Proudness? Something else?

Maybe the meaning is different for everyone, dependent on the LORD' awareness of all we are. In my life, one of my thorns is a serious mental illness. I've been hospitalized. I've been on diability. The doctors said I'd never work again. Until then I'd been been proud of my intelligence - and made sure everyone knew about it. Of my ability to balance several things at once; things I wanted to be noticed for. When I went on disability, I was crushed. Nothing I'd known (except for a vague knowing of Christ) seemed important. I floundered for years, going to church after a while but feeling little, even when I prayed for things to change.

Slowly I began to volunteer at the church, little things then bigger. But I kept them to myself; accepting praise but not looking for it. I just thanked GOD. My prayers changed to thanksgiving. Yes, I still prayed for my needs - and my wants - but I was learning it was ok to wait.

I've been working full-rime since 2006. My prayers are still of thanksgiving. Still I must take the medicine I hate. Every day. Still I must watch for the start of episodes. But I try to do things now I don't seek praise for. I have a better faith life, I believe, because GOD changed me through those long years of dryness. And I thank GOD.