Blondie Update

Blondie has gone to heaven.

She was deteriorating so quickly that last week my vet and I discussed the "hard decisions" she had told me earlier on I would have to make. Blondie was in pain and beginning to develop skin ulcers; her mouth was closing and she had almost stopped eating. Since any treatment, esp. for the sores, would only help temporarily, we discussed euthanasia. I couldn't let my active, happy, playful puppy become miserable and lethargic, both from the disease itself and from pain medication. She just wasn't going to get better.

Monday, we went to the vet's. She didn't come home.

She has always enjoyed her trips there; everyone adored her. So, she wasn't afraid. My best friend, Carla, came with me and Blondie enjoyed that, too. She loved her Auntie Carla. The receptionist was very kind and helped me with the paperwork in a discrete way; there were others in the waiting area. I didn't want anyone to know what was happening and she knew it.

One of the hardest parts was the lady in the waiting room. Blondie has always gotten attention from people visiting - she's a beautiful, friendly puppy. This lady was like the others. She complimented her and let Blondie sniff her hand. Then the well-meaning lady asked if she was sick.

I was already so upset; this made things worse. I managed to tell her what was wrong and explained a little about the disease. When she asked if Blondie was here for a treatment, I just said we were there to see Dr. Harman.

Soon, the vet assistant (I think Julie) came for us. She asked if I wanted to come back, and then showed us into an exam room. They have one esp. for large breed dogs where the exam table goes up and down, making it easier to get to the dog. This was the room we were always in. Blondie just sniffed around like usual.

I sang to her the little song I often did: My Blondie girl, my Blondie girl, my pretty pretty pretty pretty Blondie Girl; my Blondie girl, my Blondie girl, my pretty pretty pretty Blondie girl. My pretty pretty pretty Blondie girl. That was hard, staying calm.

After a couple minutes the doctor and Julie came back in; it wasn't Dr, Harman but the doctor who worked with her (Blondie had seen her before). Still, everything was normal for her. We got her onto the table (she was leery of it, like normal) (I suppose I can't blame her. I'd be a little leery of it, too). It was time.

She was sitting calmly (a lot more calmly than I felt but I was very careful to remain calm, so not to frighten her) and I wrapped my arms around her. The doctor gave her the shot.

Blondie slowly relaxed and lay down; I was still holding her and her head rested on my arm. I held her paw, and buried my face in her fur. I heard a little sound of movement - not Blondie but Julie stroking Blondie's flank and the doctor reaching out to hold her other paw I saw when I briefly lifted my head.

As her breathing slowed, I started to keen more than once, but was still trying so hard to remain calm. Finally the doctor checked her heart and told me it was over.

Tears streaming down my face, I managed to make it to the waiting area. As I stood at the counter where the receptionist was quietly expressing her sympathy, Carla came over to me and put her hand on my arm. I turned to her and sobbed so hard for a moment, then the storm subsided.

We went to Waffle House for a bit; I didn't want to go home just yet. We talked of normal things: work, her upcoming trip to visit her mother, her friends she was going to visit on the way.

When I got home, it was so strange. I went for my go-to calming activity: knitting. I'm working on an afghan for my Mom so I got it out. I knit for literally 5 hours, until it was time for bed.

I've been somewhat in a daze since, but my classes have kept me busy.

I still have her collar.

Ahh life with EBV! (Epstein Barr)

I was diagnosed with chronic Epstein Barr Virus a few years ago (on my 3rd bout of mono!). Luckily I have only had those three episodes of full mono (at ages 16, 26, and 48) (waiting a decade or a few between bouts isn't TOO bad!) but...

One of the things about EVB is a lowered ability to recover from viruses. I can get a bug that lasts a few days for someone else and I'm still fighting it a couple weeks later. It's, to put it mildly, a royal pain.

Most people have, according to my readings, the EBV but many never show symptoms. Those who do usually have a single bout of mono then go on with their lives. A few (lucky?) ones develop a chronic case. Fortunately, as far as I know, I'm not contagious - even in the full-blown bouts I've had.

Right now recovering from some silly bug I picked up a couple weeks ago. Stress makes it easier for me to get sick and once I'm down, pulling back up takes a while.

This is a really bad time (is there ever a good time to be sick?) for me as I'm just starting my first class with Ohio Christian University, working toward my BA in Psychology. This first course is on Jesus/the New Testament. It's an accelerated class and they only last 5 weeks. There's a lot packed into each week and I really need to be focused on what I'm doing.

But, I'm back on the comp, working away.

The Chocolate Cobweb - one of my first

The Chocolate Cobweb

The chocolate cobweb
    sitting in the space
        between the mirror and
        the ceiling

The centre covered by the
    small white sugar spider
    waiting for the unwary soul
        to ensnare itself
        in the creamy strands

Watermelon - for my voice coach

Watermelon

You use to say
if you don't know the words
sing
"Watermelon"

I'd sing "Watermelon"
now
'cause I sure don't know
the words
but there's no one around
to lead the music

Blondie Girl - Update I

Well, Blondie and I went to the vet Tuesday. She's lost 5lbs in the last 4 weeks which concerns the vet. Dr. Harman has me now giving her only wet food. Three meals a day, 2 cans a meal. I wonder where my grocery money goes,,,, She's worth it - she's the most loving creature.

She's pretty listless. I can't tell if it's because of the MMM, because it's so hot, or because she's finally moving out of the puppy stage and become more like an adult Pyr - very laid-back. Lately she's spent most of her time inside in the bathroom, laying on the air conditioning vent.

Dr. Harman also suggested I give her little surprise foods. Blondie's become quite fond of plain yogurt and Fruity Cheereos! Colby-Jack cheese cubes seem to go down well - and fast! I have to chew fast to keep up (we split them). I also have a recipe for soft puppy cookies I'll make either today or Monday. I found the recipe on Pinterest.

Speaking of, here's the recipe:

For about a half-dozen cookies (I do 4x this):

1c quick oats
1/2c applesause
1 egg

Combine oats and applesauce. After it is fully mixed add the egg and combine. Drop by spoonful on an ungreased cookie sheet. Bake around 10 min in a 350 deg oven - keep an eye on them, they tend to brown all at once (I swear!). Let cool on towel. Enjoy

These are soft and will crumble easily. Blondie likes them and so do a couple friends' dogs.

It looks like I'm going to have my sweet girl longer than I thought. If we can get her back up to weight. GOD willing, we will.

Thorn

...Therefore, that I might not become too elated, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, an angel of Satan, to keep me from becoming too elated...for when I am weak, I am strong. - 2 Corinthians 12:7, 10 NAB (I recommend reading the entire passage)

All of us have a thorn - something physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual to try to keep us from the fullness of being Christ-like. All to keep us from "being too elated". "Elated" - what does that mean? Maybe boasting? Proudness? Something else?

Maybe the meaning is different for everyone, dependent on the LORD' awareness of all we are. In my life, one of my thorns is a serious mental illness. I've been hospitalized. I've been on diability. The doctors said I'd never work again. Until then I'd been been proud of my intelligence - and made sure everyone knew about it. Of my ability to balance several things at once; things I wanted to be noticed for. When I went on disability, I was crushed. Nothing I'd known (except for a vague knowing of Christ) seemed important. I floundered for years, going to church after a while but feeling little, even when I prayed for things to change.

Slowly I began to volunteer at the church, little things then bigger. But I kept them to myself; accepting praise but not looking for it. I just thanked GOD. My prayers changed to thanksgiving. Yes, I still prayed for my needs - and my wants - but I was learning it was ok to wait.

I've been working full-rime since 2006. My prayers are still of thanksgiving. Still I must take the medicine I hate. Every day. Still I must watch for the start of episodes. But I try to do things now I don't seek praise for. I have a better faith life, I believe, because GOD changed me through those long years of dryness. And I thank GOD.